We live in a society that is focused on the individual. The “How will this benefit me” mindset.We see this all the time in movies, especially romantic movies, where the guy or girl only date if there is something in it for them. Or the guy or girl have to give into their every need or they cannot be a “couple”

So how can we bring back this lost art or Selflessness?

Well, continue reading. I have complied a list that I have researched to help you discover and learn how to be selfless.

So keep on reading.

Have a Selfless Mindset

To be truly selfless, one needs to have a selfless mindset. So often we do something as a favor for someone else only because we get something out of the deal. Our friend or family member “owes us” in the future. But being selfless means that we forget about ourselves and truly focus on what the other person needs and do what they need regardless if we will get anything from our services.

Think about how Others Feel

We need to keep in mind how other people feel. Let us not say things that will hurt others. Let us not do things that would make someone feel anxious, left out, or hurt. When we think about how others feel, then we can truly make everyone happy. And in turn, we feel happy.

Be Intuitive on what Someone Needs in the Moment

Learn to pick on clues on what someone needs. Sometimes we are so focused on what we are thinking and feeling, that we don’t fully understand the needs of those around us. Part of being selfless is to understand how to best serve those around us, knowing what they genuinely need in the moment. To understand, asked opened-ended questions. Doing this, you are allowing your friend to open up and share what happened to them during the day and how they are feeling. Remember, we all have negative and positive emotions throughout the day. And sharing those emotions is not something that is harmful. In fact, sharing both the positive and negative emotions can raise self empathy and make someone more aware of the needs of people around them.

Learn how to Serve and be Kind without Being Noticed.

Part of the blessing and gift of being kind is doing so without seeking compensation or being praised for doing an act of kindness. So often we do an act that will benefit someone else only when there is something in it for us. Whether that be a complement, compensation, or a simple thank you, we gear doing something for the promise of something in return. However, the beauty of being selfless is that we do acts of kindness genuinely, out of the goodness of our heart. We are not in to get something, but rather give. This can be hard, as even when we are doing an act of kindness, we are thinking in our minds of how good we are, how we deserve others to love and appreciate us because we are kind. There is nothing wrong in thinking these thoughts, but thinking about these thoughts takes away from the primary purpose of ding something kind, who we are doing the act for. I am defiantly at fault with this, focusing on myself, than really on the person I am doing the act of kindness. I have to remember doing the act isn’t for my benefit at all. And once I remember this, I can genuinely act in love, rather than with a selfish mindset.

Do Small Acts of Kindness for Others

You can do chores for someone. Make dinner. Do the Landry. Or you can treat your friend to lunch or dinner. If you know that your friend has a need of an item, then get it for them. Try to challenge yourself to do at least one act of kindness for someone else. Once you start, then you can gradually build up. I remember how hard it was for me to prepare meals for people other than myself. Granted, I was only eleven at the time, but making breakfast for the rest of my siblings did not appeal to me. But after making myself do it as an act of kindness to my siblings, now years later, I don’t even think about how I feel, only that it will help my siblings in some small way. And knowing that you are helping someone and seeing how they appreciate it, is the best compensation you can get or receive.

Be Joyful in the Happiness of Others

When something positive or significant happens to someone, be happy for them. Sometimes, although we do show that we are happy for someone, we often start lecturing or stating something about us, how we would never be able to do the thing that this person is going to do. Instead of doing this, allow the whole focus to be on the person. Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishment and success. When we do this, we show that we are genuine in our joy, and that shows how much we value and appreciate our friends and loved ones.

Start a Kindness Journal

Journals are a great way to document progress, so why not start a kindness journal? For the beginning of this year, I purchased a kindness journal from Pumpkin Productivity, by Ruby Granger. And I have to say, since writing down my acts of kindness, I am able to really evaluate if I was doing something kind out of the goodness of my heart, or if I have an ulterior motive. My ultimate goal is to do acts of kindness without any thought of compensation or reward of any kind, but to do it because I know I am helping someone else. So I encourage you to start a kindness journal. It can really help to motivate yourself to have pure motives. So often we do kind things to benefit ourselves, to be known for being kind. But I challenge you to be kind and selfless even when no one is looking.

Read books on Kindness and Selflessness

If we do not know how to be kind or selfless, then it will be hard for us to try. As with anything that we are new to or learning, we need to study and learn. Some helpful resources can be the books, “The Little Book of Kindness” By Bernadette Russell “99 ways to be Kind ” by Sean Homsher M.S.Ed. I am sure that there are many more resources out there, so just do your own research. You can even start a study group of how to be kind and selfless with you family and friends and everyone would benefit.

So that is all of my tips. If you know of any other ways that we can be selfless and be kind, let me know in the comments.

As always, have a great rest of your week,

Alyssa